


The Sun, Moon, and Stars

by Tsukimi (starbox)



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Emotions, Eventual Happy Ending, Freeform, Internal Conflict, M/M, Soulmates, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-24
Updated: 2014-09-24
Packaged: 2018-02-18 15:56:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2354105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starbox/pseuds/Tsukimi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Back in Japan, Makoto can't keep his mind off Haru and Rin. In Australia, trying to fall asleep back-to-back, Rin and Haru each consider the other's importance, and feel the effects of Makoto's absence.</p><p>A look into the emotionally tangled trio after Free! ES Episodes 11 & 12.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sun, Moon, and Stars

**Author's Note:**

> In lieu of watching Episode 13 right when it aired, I wrote this instead. I needed to work through some of my feelings about these guys before seeing what KyoAni had in mind for them. Whatever befalls, this is what I think was going through their minds. It's messy because it's mostly just their thoughts, but hopefully it approaches a semblance of how I see their complicated relationship. I wrote more from Rin and Haru's perspective, because I think Makoto's heart is more on his sleeve.

            “Hey, Makoto, what’s up?”

             Rin had answered his phone sounding a little out of breath, and Makoto could hear people running in the background.

            “Rin, may I ask a favor? It has to do with Haru…”

             The sound of a door closing, and the quiet of an enclosed space as Rin hummed in understanding.

             “Yeah, man, always. What’s he done now?”

             Makoto ran a hand through his already messy hair, and replied, “It’s not what he’s done per se… He won’t leave his house. And… I can’t… Rin, you need to go get him outside.”

            “Damn, really? Okay… Well, break’s coming up… Yeah, don’t worry about it.”

             Makoto sighed in relief, glad in a way that Rin had seen Haru’s break down at the preliminaries and had obviously chalked it up to that.

            “Thanks, Rin. You’re a good friend.”

            “Now that I’m back, you shouldn’t have to be the one to deal with his _moods_ all the time.”

            “Mmm, yeah…”

            “Gotta go, Makoto. My team’s full of idiots, too.”

            “Alright, Rin. Don’t scare them too much!”

            Rin laughed as he hung up.

 

 

            “Australia?!” squealed Nagisa.

            “Yeah, it’s not what I expected either…” admitted Makoto.

             Makoto had to hand it to Rin though. Not only had he dragged Haru out of the house, he had swooped in and carried him off to another continent. Makoto found himself wondering what it was like to see Japan from an airplane and to actually have a stamp in his passport. Australia was yet another sight that only Rin and Haru shared.

             He blinked and refocused his eyes as Nagisa whacked his arm.

             “We have to go, Mako-chan! Rumor has it there’s a pop quiz next period!”

             “See you later, Makoto-senpai!”

             “Bye, you two! Good luck!”

             The first years walked off quickly, and Makoto smiled softly until they were safely off the roof. He then turned and leaned against the railing, staring out across the school grounds, all the way to the ocean.

            He could feel it in the pit of his stomach, that familiar aching pain. He knew it from last year, when they had found Haru and Rin together before the relay. He recognized it from when Rin challenged Haru to a race and Haru’s eyes would light up. It attacked him every time he saw how Rin looked at Haru. 

            Makoto knew he had to be there for them both, but he was also coming to understand that he would never give up Haru. The Haru who frowned in concern, who lectured out of kindness, and apologized without meeting his eyes. The Haru who had let him hold his hand up through Middle School when they were forced through haunted houses, or who put aside swimming to visit him when he was sick, or just happened to be available to come play with the twins when Makoto was stuck taking care of them.

            He tried to squash the dull pain once more, hating it, and himself, for its very existence. It was different from the deep curling heat he felt when he accidentally walked in on Haru pulling his jammers off in the shower, or when Haru sometimes yanked his shirt off with one hand in a hurry to be in the water. The guilt he felt at that heat was separate; he had become quite adept at dealing with the twinge he felt every time he realized once more how beautiful Haru was to him. He figured there was nothing to be done about that, and although it was painful wanting his best friend more than anyone else in the world, at least it wasn’t damaging anyone. But this jealousy was another thing. Because despite wanting to deny it with his whole being, he knew that’s what it was. He couldn’t be jealous of Rin, and he couldn’t begrudge Haru time with his friend. They were both too precious to let his own petty emotions get in the way.

            Those two needed each other. Makoto understood that better than anyone, and knew it would probably always be the case. Rin: exacting, gregarious, passionate, and fragile. Haru: easy-going, creative, loyal, and strong. They were so many things he aspired to be, so strong and adventurous and independent. At times, one pulled ahead, and the other struggled, but they drew each other onward and upward. Twin stars, he thought, like bright twin stars. They orbited each other, in fiery unceasing motion.

            He had always felt that he was just watching them from the sidelines, but he realized now he was lucky to have been so intimately near, and have escaped mostly unscathed.

 

 

            Rin could hear Haru breathing, slowly and quietly. Occasionally, Haru would snuggle down into the blankets further. He hadn’t said anything aloud, but Rin knew he ran cool and that the weather in Australia was a bit colder than he liked. Rin had been tempted to go ask for another blanket from the front desk, but he knew Haru would glare at him if he did.

            But all that didn’t really matter now that Haru had seen the Olympic stadium. Rin grinned to himself broadly, barely restraining an audible laugh. What Haru had given him was nothing more than a promise; they had no solid plans. And Rin was probably coming back to Australia after graduation, so it could be that they would be separated again. Rin bit his lower lip. He didn’t like thinking about that, but it was a possibility for which he had to prepare himself. Some scouts had come for Haru earlier, but they had all been from Japanese universities. And Haru’s English was terrible. It might freak him out to have to use it every day. Or he just wouldn’t use it, and thus, never talk to anyone. Rin nearly snorted. That was a distinct possibility actually. He could easily imagine Haru magically absorbing enough English to understand his swim coach’s instructions and not one word more. Well, he would probably learn enough words to go grocery shopping, too.

            Rin would never forget the moment Haru’s eyes had once more seemed to catch fire right in front of him. He would never forget Haru’s low, emotional voice saying he had finally found a dream because of Rin. It was all Rin had ever wanted… or so he had thought. Because Haru had still been quiet afterward, and Rin also remembered the way he had sounded so scared when he had admitted that he and Makoto had fought. _Our first fight._

            Rin fought with Sousuke all the time. Hell, they practically fought for fun. It’s what rivals do, especially when they knew they can fix it with a grin or fist bump. And he and Haru had certainly got in each other’s faces a lot the past year for one reason or another. He and Haru were rivals too, in a way, even though Rin admired him as much as he did. And he knew now that Haru cared for him, in his own quiet way. He felt pretty secure in that.

            But Haru and Makoto never fought. _Ever._ Even seeing Makoto race Haru that one time had been weird. That had been just a friendly competition, but a real fight? Makoto had sounded really stressed on the phone, and that idiot Haru had forgot to pack a swimsuit. Something had definitely gone down. What did those two have to fight about? For as long as Rin could remember, they had been together. Every time he had tried to talk to Haru, or invite him to do something, the dark-haired boy could only be found next to the taller, sandy-haired one. Makoto had done the talking for the both of them for a while, too. That had been annoying actually, but because of it, Rin had realized how lucky Haru was. Makoto was the best person Rin had ever met. He tried too hard to please everyone, but on the flip side, he thought of everyone before himself. He was as selfless as they came, and just being near him had a steadying effect.

            Maybe that’s what it was. Haru without Makoto was like an untethered ship. His direction was off somehow. Rin swore he had seen Haru look over his shoulder once or twice when they had been in crowded areas, and he wondered now if his friend had been instinctively checking to make sure Makoto was behind him. Rin grimaced. Pathetic, he thought impulsively, but then as he let his sharper emotions settle a little, he realized it was more tragic. And sort of… romantic.

            Rin had never been able to figure out which one of them was leading when they did something. At first, it looked like Makoto was the one in charge, as he nudged Haru along from one place to another, or made sure he remembered to do something. But looking at them more closely, one could see that Makoto anticipated Haru’s every need, every decision, so that at the moment Haru moved to do something Makoto was there to help. Their mysterious connection had frustrated Rin for the longest time, especially since he didn’t see what Makoto could like about having to do stuff like towel the water from Haru’s hair like he was still ten years old.

            But one day he’d seen it, by accident, at a joint swim practice. Makoto had pulled Haru out of the water, with that angelic smile on his face, and just for a second Haru’s lips had quirked up in return. And for a moment, Rin knew deep in his gut, that the world had stopped for them—that all they saw were each other and it was enough. He remembered feeling his jaw drop and glancing at the others to figure out if they had seen it, too. But they hadn’t, so he had just crossed his arms and yelled at the next swimmers to get to the starting blocks.

            Rin shifted slightly closer to Haru and closed his eyes. Haru was coming to see the world with him, but he would only be at his best if Makoto were supporting him. Haru really was like his beloved water, like those ocean waves, and it was natural that he should always come back to a welcoming shore.

 

  

            Haru could feel Rin’s heat from across the bed. Even as chilly as it was, Rin had slipped under the covers in his tank top again. And he had just laughed loudly when Haru had stared at his bare arms, eyebrows crinkled together in concern. Haru wondered vaguely whether he had understood it was concern rather than annoyance…

            But then, Rin had always been warm. He had always made Haru burn. From the very first time he had appeared at their swim club, and Haru had been forced to look away from Rin’s gaze, he had been like a bobbing, uncatchable firefly. No one had ever looked at Haru like that, with such hopeful expectation. It had scared him at first. It still did to some extent. He had risen to the challenge in high school, once he had realized that Rin wanted that of him, once he knew that Rin wouldn’t leave him in tears again. Now that it was safe to race Rin, he loved it, and he lived for it. They were the best, the fastest, of all the people he knew, and maybe someday they would be good enough to be the fastest among strangers, too.

           Haru hadn’t known what to say to Rin the other night, when he had admitted that he admired him. It had seemed simultaneously natural and yet odd. Haru had seen that light of expectation in Rin’s eyes, he’d been pushed by Rin to be faster, but for Rin to look up to him? That was a difficult concept to grasp considering Rin had so many more impressive accomplishments. He had struggled on his own in Australia and grown stronger. He had two teams in different countries to swim with, a whole other family that really liked him, and a conviction that made Haru consider him the bravest person he knew.

           Rin had gone out and affirmed what Haru believed, but in a way that Haru knew he was too apathetic to do himself. Haru swam free and swam to support his friends, and he believed that was the right way to do it. But Rin had gone out into the world, tried all sorts of swimming techniques and ideas, and come back to Samezuka able to balance his friends and competitive swimming. Rin was the best of both worlds. He was a champion that the teachers could praise, and a true friend and fellow swimmer who swam because he knew the way the water felt, and loved to pull through it to victory.

           It had taken years for Haru to come to this understanding of Rin, to see how amazing he really was. And he wasn’t sure whether this was just because Rin had matured, or if it had been necessary for Haru to grow, too. Haru knew he had used to avoid Rin because he was unsettling. Haru didn’t understand his passion, and his desire to swim a relay. He found his persistence annoying and his joyous, smiling face confusing. He turned away because he needed the time to adjust to the emotions Rin forced from him. It wasn’t fun or easy having his heart dragged from his chest. Finally, he felt he could properly return a bit of the fire that Rin gave him, and he wanted Rin always by his side as they swam on a higher level every year.

           Makoto would be so happy that he had worked this out… **Makoto**. Haru blinked his eyes open in the dark room. _I’m going to Tokyo._

           Haru realized he was gripping the blanket in a tight fist. He stared hard into the dark, willing the pricking in his eyes to go away. Except for when they had been near the water, he had been edgy and unsure of himself in this unknown country. He had stuck to Rin like glue the whole time, hoping he wouldn’t get annoyed, and thankful that he hadn’t been so far. But he wouldn’t have had to worry about even the possibility of Makoto getting annoyed. Makoto never pushed him away… Or hadn’t until that night.

           It felt like poking at a wound but when Haru thought a bit harder, he realized that Makoto had never actually pushed him _away,_ he had just pushed Haru to decide on a dream. But that had been so foreign, so uncharacteristic of Makoto, that Haru had panicked and yelled the one thing he knew was Makoto’s weakness. Makoto was terrible at making decisions. Haru had figured he didn’t know what he was doing either, so it annoyed him that Makoto was once more only thinking of Haru. Didn’t it matter just as much that Makoto have a dream? Why was it all about Haru and Rin?

 _I’m going to Tokyo._ The words rung in his head over and over—so sad and final. Makoto had already decided, who knows how long ago, and had never said a word. The plain statement of fact had hit Haru like a body slam, knocking the air from his lungs and giving him tunnel vision. He was sinking again, like at the preliminaries, struggling fruitlessly in the dark. He was suddenly as lost as he could ever be, in the presence of the one person who had always made him feel safe. First swimming, and now Makoto, had betrayed him. So he had screamed whatever had first come into his terrified brain.

_Do what you what! I don’t care!_

          It was lie, of course, a big fat lie. He yelled it, venomously so he wouldn’t sound so scared, and turned to run, ignoring the sound of his name on Makoto's lips. Let him call after me, he had thought cruelly, let him chase me. He will. He always does.

          But he hadn't.

          So then Haru was curled up on his bed, hiding under covers, unable to breathe, unable to shut out the grey noise that wouldn't leave him. Not even ducking into the quiet of the water in his bathtub would make the panic go away. He was so alone, and it was all his fault. He had felt like he was drowning. No, he _knew_ he had been, over and over, until Rin had banged on his door. Rin had grinned and Haru felt a heat wash over him. It was like he had seen light sparkling down through the dark waters, and he had finally had the strength to reach up.

          He didn’t know what to do about Makoto yet. He didn’t know how to make it better. Even though Haru knew that Makoto would probably be glad he had his swimming dream, Makoto was still going to Tokyo. How was Haru supposed to stay by Makoto and swim as well? Because he knew he had to stay with Makoto, just as much as he knew he had to go to a university with a good swim team. Would Makoto be okay in Tokyo? Wouldn’t he be scared? Haru had to be there for him…

          Haru smoothed down the sheets by his side and turned to hide his face in his pillow. Or was it really Haru who needed Makoto? This whole time he had felt Makoto’s absence like a shadowy vacuum right over his shoulder. Once or twice, he had forgot that they had fought and had been thrown all over again to remember that he and Makoto weren’t speaking. He knew he had hurt Makoto terribly when he had said he didn’t care. He had to fix that quickly, because Makoto was stupid enough to think that Haru didn’t know how much Makoto cared about him. He was stupid enough to think that Haru didn’t love him as much as he loved Haru. Makoto was just so stupid...

          Haru wanted to punch him sometimes, or maybe just push him up against a wall and hide his face in Makoto’s shirt. Just lean into him so hard that he couldn’t get away, hold him so tightly that he _couldn’t_ not understand that Haru never wanted to let him go. That he never wanted Makoto to look at anyone else the way he looked Haru. That he never wanted Makoto to touch anyone else the way he touched Haru. That the thought of Makoto meeting someone else in Tokyo and smiling for them made something dark and dangerous in Haru coil up, ready to strike. Haru now knew what losing Makoto might feel like, and even as he faced the new, broad world of swimming—maybe precisely because he was finally facing it—he knew he would do anything to get him back.

          In order to go with Rin, Haru had to know that Makoto wanted this, too. Even now he felt the pull of Makoto’s peaceful strength. He needed to know that even after he plunged so daringly forward, he could continue to fall back into Makoto for the rest of his life.


End file.
